I appreciate this honest look into the structures set up within narcissistic families.
Click below to watch the 30 minute video.
Showing posts with label Facing Narcissism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facing Narcissism. Show all posts
Sunday, December 9, 2018
Sunday, December 10, 2017
What's a Wife To Do?
I just asked my Mercy husband about what so many of you wives are dealing with.
If you're in a relationship with a narcissistic person, likely you have seen the beauty within them. I saw the beauty within my husband....and I kept going to the God who put the beauty there in the first place to give me grace and strategy and help to hold on when things were SO very bleak.
The bleakness comes when that inner beauty is blocked. What blocks it? According to one man God led me to, it's the inability to handle shame in a healthy way.
Narcissists get that way because they were shamed and punished for their flaws. They did NOT receive the much needed gentleness and grace and instead learned all sorts of inner shoving mechanisms to push away anything that makes them bump up against that shame.
Because I was fascinated by these processes and knew God had been the one who put me together with my husband, I kept continually looking to Him for help, the way and answers. Often times, for years, it was dark and hard and awful...as that beauty within my Mercy Man was nearly held hostage by something bitter, angry, violent (emotionally?) and immature.
Narcissists lack basic skills that the rest of you learned. If they feel shame because they lack those skills, they will keep pushing away whomever points out the shame.
If it's a wife...then...
Well, my hubby says if they are not willing to look at themselves, there is nothing a wife can do.
You might need to hear that.
Why was my husband willing to look at it? I'm not sure.
In part it might be because being reared in a narcissistic family system doesn't necessarily mean we all end up with personality disorder (at least I hope not).
It has always been in my heart to be a Man Whisperer, and for as much as I fail I have supported and believed in him as he searched the world for answers.
As I get grace to write, I'll share more.
If you're in a relationship with a narcissistic person, likely you have seen the beauty within them. I saw the beauty within my husband....and I kept going to the God who put the beauty there in the first place to give me grace and strategy and help to hold on when things were SO very bleak.
The bleakness comes when that inner beauty is blocked. What blocks it? According to one man God led me to, it's the inability to handle shame in a healthy way.
Narcissists get that way because they were shamed and punished for their flaws. They did NOT receive the much needed gentleness and grace and instead learned all sorts of inner shoving mechanisms to push away anything that makes them bump up against that shame.
Because I was fascinated by these processes and knew God had been the one who put me together with my husband, I kept continually looking to Him for help, the way and answers. Often times, for years, it was dark and hard and awful...as that beauty within my Mercy Man was nearly held hostage by something bitter, angry, violent (emotionally?) and immature.
Narcissists lack basic skills that the rest of you learned. If they feel shame because they lack those skills, they will keep pushing away whomever points out the shame.
If it's a wife...then...
Well, my hubby says if they are not willing to look at themselves, there is nothing a wife can do.
You might need to hear that.
Why was my husband willing to look at it? I'm not sure.
In part it might be because being reared in a narcissistic family system doesn't necessarily mean we all end up with personality disorder (at least I hope not).
It has always been in my heart to be a Man Whisperer, and for as much as I fail I have supported and believed in him as he searched the world for answers.
As I get grace to write, I'll share more.
Tuesday, October 3, 2017
What I Am Not
I am not a counselor or therapist. I am a person with a vision...to see people FREE to be themselves and to let the awesomeness inside be expressed in life giving ways. I long to see those stuck in narcissistic patterns be free to love and trust and receive. Is it possible? I can see the way! It's not always clear and is sometimes quite mirky and tricky...but I believe it's there. Being led by the One Who Indwells is a very nice way to make one's way through it all....(though easy it is not!).
I love tackling impossible things because I know they're all possible for the One I love and serve.
Over the years as I have developed my own understanding looking for answers to what narcissism is, how it comes about and spreads and what to DO about it. Seeking practical and real answers rooted in Truth, I stumbled upon some intriguing, often upsetting and very useful information by experts who are not necessarily widely known to those who are schooled in traditional ideas of narcissism. I had the pleasure of compiling THEIR information, testing it out in layman situations in my own life and with others who were willing and found some principles which are working in those who have not been diagnosed with NPD.
According to one doctor, bible scholar and pastor, there aren't enough therapists in all the world to help the numerous masses who NEED help with this (and other such) issue/s. According to his statistics, 25% of the population has the skills necessary to be gentle with this sort of weakness (narcissism is a weakness - both from lack of skills as well as being groomed in a whole lot of something NO person should have to grow up dealing with!). He says in another generation those with the gentle skills will disappear.
My goal is to help connect those of us who were reared in narcissistic family cultures with those who have the skills needed in order to function well both inside and in relationship with others. It's a huge goal and I am working toward it in my own life and as I work with others. There's a lot of really damaging information floating around out there which, as I see it, makes things much worse not only for the person struggling with narcissism but also with those few brave souls who are in their inner circles. I want to shed light in dark places so that freedom can be had!!
Since it's my passion to receive Truth from the One Who Best knows the human psyche, the inner man & family backgrounds, I have spent several years learning about the problem, finding the world (and even the church) seemed to have no answers or real hope, cried out to HIM for mercy and help for our generation and then followed many nudges along the way as He led me from resource to resource. I have taken what I learned and applied it, with much pain along the way, and believe there IS a way forward in this area.
I leave you these materials in order to ponder for yourself if, like me, you're called to tackle this issue within your generation, family and culture.
I am convinced the God of Abraham is also willing to share His insight with others and am excited and grateful that He is leading you and will continue as you ROTC: rely on, obey, trust in and Cling to Him in the process. BLESSINGS to you as you follow Him!!!!
~Kate M.
I love tackling impossible things because I know they're all possible for the One I love and serve.
Over the years as I have developed my own understanding looking for answers to what narcissism is, how it comes about and spreads and what to DO about it. Seeking practical and real answers rooted in Truth, I stumbled upon some intriguing, often upsetting and very useful information by experts who are not necessarily widely known to those who are schooled in traditional ideas of narcissism. I had the pleasure of compiling THEIR information, testing it out in layman situations in my own life and with others who were willing and found some principles which are working in those who have not been diagnosed with NPD.
My goal is to help connect those of us who were reared in narcissistic family cultures with those who have the skills needed in order to function well both inside and in relationship with others. It's a huge goal and I am working toward it in my own life and as I work with others. There's a lot of really damaging information floating around out there which, as I see it, makes things much worse not only for the person struggling with narcissism but also with those few brave souls who are in their inner circles. I want to shed light in dark places so that freedom can be had!!
Since it's my passion to receive Truth from the One Who Best knows the human psyche, the inner man & family backgrounds, I have spent several years learning about the problem, finding the world (and even the church) seemed to have no answers or real hope, cried out to HIM for mercy and help for our generation and then followed many nudges along the way as He led me from resource to resource. I have taken what I learned and applied it, with much pain along the way, and believe there IS a way forward in this area.
I leave you these materials in order to ponder for yourself if, like me, you're called to tackle this issue within your generation, family and culture.
I am convinced the God of Abraham is also willing to share His insight with others and am excited and grateful that He is leading you and will continue as you ROTC: rely on, obey, trust in and Cling to Him in the process. BLESSINGS to you as you follow Him!!!!
~Kate M.
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