I just asked my Mercy husband about what so many of you wives are dealing with.
If you're in a relationship with a narcissistic person, likely you have seen the beauty within them. I saw the beauty within my husband....and I kept going to the God who put the beauty there in the first place to give me grace and strategy and help to hold on when things were SO very bleak.
The bleakness comes when that inner beauty is blocked. What blocks it? According to one man God led me to, it's the inability to handle shame in a healthy way.
Narcissists get that way because they were shamed and punished for their flaws. They did NOT receive the much needed gentleness and grace and instead learned all sorts of inner shoving mechanisms to push away anything that makes them bump up against that shame.
Because I was fascinated by these processes and knew God had been the one who put me together with my husband, I kept continually looking to Him for help, the way and answers. Often times, for years, it was dark and hard and awful...as that beauty within my Mercy Man was nearly held hostage by something bitter, angry, violent (emotionally?) and immature.
Narcissists lack basic skills that the rest of you learned. If they feel shame because they lack those skills, they will keep pushing away whomever points out the shame.
If it's a wife...then...
Well, my hubby says if they are not willing to look at themselves, there is nothing a wife can do.
You might need to hear that.
Why was my husband willing to look at it? I'm not sure.
In part it might be because being reared in a narcissistic family system doesn't necessarily mean we all end up with personality disorder (at least I hope not).
It has always been in my heart to be a Man Whisperer, and for as much as I fail I have supported and believed in him as he searched the world for answers.
As I get grace to write, I'll share more.
If you're in a relationship with a narcissistic person, likely you have seen the beauty within them. I saw the beauty within my husband....and I kept going to the God who put the beauty there in the first place to give me grace and strategy and help to hold on when things were SO very bleak.
The bleakness comes when that inner beauty is blocked. What blocks it? According to one man God led me to, it's the inability to handle shame in a healthy way.
Narcissists get that way because they were shamed and punished for their flaws. They did NOT receive the much needed gentleness and grace and instead learned all sorts of inner shoving mechanisms to push away anything that makes them bump up against that shame.
Because I was fascinated by these processes and knew God had been the one who put me together with my husband, I kept continually looking to Him for help, the way and answers. Often times, for years, it was dark and hard and awful...as that beauty within my Mercy Man was nearly held hostage by something bitter, angry, violent (emotionally?) and immature.
Narcissists lack basic skills that the rest of you learned. If they feel shame because they lack those skills, they will keep pushing away whomever points out the shame.
If it's a wife...then...
Well, my hubby says if they are not willing to look at themselves, there is nothing a wife can do.
You might need to hear that.
Why was my husband willing to look at it? I'm not sure.
In part it might be because being reared in a narcissistic family system doesn't necessarily mean we all end up with personality disorder (at least I hope not).
It has always been in my heart to be a Man Whisperer, and for as much as I fail I have supported and believed in him as he searched the world for answers.
As I get grace to write, I'll share more.
No comments:
Post a Comment