What I Am Not

I am not a counselor or therapist.  I am a person with a vision...to see people FREE to be themselves and to let the awesomeness inside be expressed in life giving ways.  I long to see those stuck in narcissistic patterns be free to love and trust and receive.  Is it possible?  I can see the way!  It's not always clear and is sometimes quite mirky and tricky...but I believe it's there.  Being led by the One Who Indwells is a very nice way to make one's way through it all....(though easy it is not!).

I love tackling impossible things because I know they're all possible for the One I love and serve.  

Over the years as I have developed my own understanding looking for answers to what narcissism is, how it comes about and spreads and what to DO about it.  Seeking practical and real answers rooted in Truth, I stumbled upon some intriguing, often upsetting and very useful information by experts who are not necessarily widely known to those who are schooled in traditional ideas of narcissism.  I had the pleasure of compiling THEIR information, testing it out in layman situations in my own life and with others who were willing and found some principles which are working in those who have not been diagnosed with NPD.

According to one doctor, bible scholar and pastor, there aren't enough therapists in all the world to help the numerous masses who NEED help with this (and other such) issue/s.  According to his statistics, 25% of the population has the skills necessary to be gentle with this sort of weakness (narcissism is a weakness - both from lack of skills as well as being groomed in a whole lot of something NO person should have to grow up dealing with!).  He says in another generation those with the gentle skills will disappear.

My goal is to help connect those of us who were reared in narcissistic family cultures with those who have the skills needed in order to function well both inside and in relationship with others.  It's a huge goal and I am working toward it in my own life and as I work with others.  There's a lot of really damaging information floating around out there which, as I see it, makes things much worse not only for the person struggling with narcissism but also with those few brave souls who are in their inner circles.  I want to shed light in dark places so that freedom can be had!!

Since it's my passion to receive Truth from the One Who Best knows the human psyche, the inner man & family backgrounds, I have spent several years learning about the problem, finding the world (and even the church) seemed to have no answers or real hope, cried out to HIM for mercy and help for our generation and then followed many nudges along the way as He led me from resource to resource.  I have taken what I learned and applied it, with much pain along the way, and believe there IS a way forward in this area.  

I leave you these materials in order to ponder for yourself if, like me, you're called to tackle this issue within your generation, family and culture.

I am convinced the God of Abraham is also willing to share His insight with others and am excited and grateful that He is leading you and will continue as you ROTC: rely on, obey, trust in and Cling to Him in the process.  BLESSINGS to you as you follow Him!!!!

~Kate M.

What Is Needed?

If people are reared without empathy, there are some really awful things they know to be normal.  Sometimes these adored people (adored by God and yet not often by those closest to them) need help to understand a new normal.  

When we try to keep them on the hook (hold them accountable for what they do and say) but we do it before we give them empathy, it doesn't work.  Why?  I have no idea.  It has something to do with the brain.  

Brain science has revealed SO much in the past decade!  It's amazing to me all the things which are coming to the surface as understanding and AHA! moments occur.  In my case, it happens within my head and heart and innards as I deal with myself and others and keep learning and listening and applying and trying.  

What if people start sowing differently?  What if we can help people begin to believe that there really are safe people out there?  What if they really can develop pathways in their brain to feel right brained shame rather than building systems and relational structures to keep shame away?

I have pondered, wrestled and won.  I am so eager to share with you...though if you have a clinical background you might be very put off by my stuff.  Remember, I am putting this out there for the Do It Yourself crowd who will not darken the door of a therapist.

As my friend Arthur Burk says, "There has to be a better way!"

Disclaimer

I'm a wife at home.  I've been married 20 years.  I am step mother to a special needs child who now has a child of her own. I brought six of my own children into the world and educate them at home.  I come partially from a narcissistic family and am pretty sure I married into one.  

I have no formal training.  I come from a family with enormous history of dysfunction of many sorts.   I have researched excellent materials from men and women in various fields both secular and sacred.

My studies have been led by The Psychologist (The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) as I have sought Him first for wisdom, understanding, discernment & knowledge.  

I am not an expert.  I have taken the principles I learned from authors & men and women who have many letters after their names, pastors, etc in order to work out in my own life what appears to have been the list of symptoms commonly referred to as NPD.

I have never been diagnosed.  My hubby hasn't either.  However, with the belief that if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck that it's likely a duck, I read, listened and watched everything I got a nudge to put my hands on (as did he), poured over the info (some of it nauseating and very depressing) and plopped it all at God's feet.

"This is YOUR problem.  It's not pretty.  Where's the good news????"

And then He began to show me.  

"Look here. Now see this bit?  Put it over here with that bit."  

It was as though He was leading me on an adventure to learn some things which so far I don't hear "out there."  

I write and record and think all with the intention of sharing what has worked in my life, in my marriage and with our children.  

Confessions

I admit it.  I'm swamped.  With six children under foot 24/7 I am at a loss for time to write blog posts for you about narcissism!

Plus, I have a rough draft of an ebook with nearly 50 pages completed...but I am not able to get TO IT with so much going on in my world.

Did I mention I'm in charge of educating all six of the kiddos?  AND we live in less than 800 square feet.  I have NO space to hide way and write.

For the sake of caring for myself in order to be decent to them (and the hubby who makes all this possible) I need to keep my sanity.  Writing takes ENORMOUS effort for me and I selfishly refuse to loose sleep in order to get that book written!!!

So, while I might have a gift to communicate via written word, I have very little time to utilize my gift-of-gab right now during this fantastically jammed full season of rearing my kids.

What I can share is a whole lot of podcasts of my journey as I learn principles of narcissism.

I also share a whole lot of materials I researched, dug through, cried over, talked with hubby and close friends about and eventually used to extract concepts and principles which helped ME make a difference not only in my own life but in my marriage and in our children's lives.

With eleven podcasts going I am only JUST beginning to tell the story; there's so much to tell.

As I go, each year I get better at recording and editing and handling all the oodles of behind-the-scenes stuff you won't ever know about which simply MUST happen in order to get audio and written materials published.

Thank you so much for taking time to check out this site.
Blessings to you on YOUR journey!
Kate M